I’m learning to recognize signs sooner. It’s not a matter of giving up, it’s a matter of being true to my needs. I actually believe he’s a good guy. Then again, I see the good in everybody which is why I often linger too long or make excuses. So, I guess I honestly don’t know after hanging out 3 or 4 times.
I’m seeing signs of insecurity, which is fine- we all have it a little bit. But, when insecurity gets masked by narcissism (a pattern of mine), it becomes an unhealthy combination. Our conversations have been nice and easy, but mostly him talking. Not in a conceited way, “just getting to know you” conversations I guess. I have to hold myself back from going deep right away because it’s in my nature…with anybody. Just keeping it light-hearted at first. Photos of himself with his shirt off on instagram (many) and a very manicured physique are just some other determinants.
I’m always giving somebody the benefit of the doubt.
And I was doing a little “experiment” letting him reach out. I made the first major move, and then he the 2nd inviting me over. We’ve hung out a few times and crossed paths many. He mentioned our physical proximity being “tricky” and that he has a history of dating “crazy”. So, I am aware that he’s cautious. And that he doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know that I’m stable and rational. I hate, for the record, having to “prove” myself to somebody new. It’s just annoying to me. Regardless, unavoidable. So, my challenge was to really let him take the reigns, text me, ask me out, etc. I am an entrepreneur and often aggressive and realize life is short. I grab the bull by the horn and love hard and would rather find out sooner than later if something is “there”. I don’t like wasting time not loving.
But alas, I get impatient or have “fuck it” moments, especially after I’ve started to initially write somebody off, which I have been taking his signs as disinterest. After sharing a cuddly night, I didn’t hear from him for over a week and a half although that’s not a significant amount of time. When somebody lives in your building and yes, convenient, how hard is a text? A dog walk? Shared coffee? You can still get to know somebody and spend time together while taking it “slowly” if that’s what one wishes. So, I know, I know- if he’s not reaching out, well, he’s not interested. Totally viable. But after already putting my guard up a bit, what do I have to lose? Nothing. If anything, we can be friends or another cuddle buddy. Yes, I oddly have a few of those but recently they’ve been absent.
So, I texted him a “happy hump day” message on Wednesday. He responds immediately, and I ask if he wants to dog walk or happy hour and he says “Sure”. He sweetly brings me, well, my cats some treats which was thoughtful. We talk for a few hours then cuddle on the couch.
Still hasn’t kissed me.
I am determining he has some intimacy issues. I again don’t really know, but it’s a feeling and whatever that is, I sense caution in him. Before he leaves, we mentioned going to the apartment pool Friday and grilling some meat. Friday comes, I reach out again first (duh, I know, I know) and just say “Pool?”. Again, he responds quickly and mentions going to the meat market together. We end up not getting meat, he sits at the pool with me for about 30 min, we share a beer, then he asks what I’m doing Saturday (next day) and mentions surfing in the morning then grilling afterward. I said “100%” yea.
Never heard from him today.
So, I’m done. I’m sorry, call me old school…but don’t ASK me to do something, then never follow up. It’s rude, and I don’t do that to my friends. And if you don’t want to do it or aren’t interested in the first place, don’t ask me to do it at all.
I know I make it too “easy” on guys because I’m real with no games…perhaps also by taking the lead and making them not have to put in much effort. I should let them lead, but frankly, I RARELY meet a man who knows how. And when I talk to my male friends, they love (or claim they do) when a woman takes initiative. I have no problem doing that, but I will not be ignored.
I will always keep my heart open, I have no hard feelings as I believe he’s shown me where he is in his mind, and where I stand, even as friends. I know if he was intrigued (why shouldn’t he be!?), or wanted to get to know me more, he could. Easily. I’m right here.
He just hasn’t. Not how I foresee it taking place. And that’s ok.
The end.
