It might be time to let him go.
I’ve always known his capacity for love is great, but his capacity for energy is minimal. Maybe it’s this simple. I want a relationship, he can’t handle one right now. He’s a Libra, a free spirit, and can’t lock him down. Although I’ve never tried to because I am one myself. I’ve always known he was one foot out the door. And, I’ve kept my emotions in check at least most of the time.
But I love him. I can’t help my heart.
The reality of it now seems imminent. He mentioned a possession when two people are in a relationship. But not in a negative sense, but rather an “I’m yours, your mine.” Which is what we all expect in an exclusive, committed relationship. He told me how important I am to him, but I don’t know if he loves me. At least probably not the way I need to be loved and secured and protected long-term. He loves me as much as he can right now. So, I’ve just been accepting that.
And in order to protect my heart, I told him I have to rebalance my emotions. My wall goes up and down. I’ve always been there for him. I’ve always opened my home and heart to him. In order to move on, my heart must be free.
He’s been in a controlling and hostage relationship for the last 5 years. He needs some time on his own to process and be free from that. Not immediately into another “relationship” and I agree. The sad part is, we connect and have love. But he can’t worry about my heart not because he shouldn’t because he can’t. I have to. It’s just a reality I must face.
I want to be together for the right reasons if it’s supposed to be. Not because one is escaping a situation or needs the other, but because they want to be together. Can I still have hope? I don’t want to let go 🙁
My heart is a bit broken tonight.
