I have a hard time letting go because I see the good first and make excuses for others’ behaviors as I go. I want to help, learn, teach, love. I show compassion and kindness, even at my own expense. Maybe someday I’ll figure out my “why” and stop perpetuating my abusive relationships.
What I want to say changes by the minute. What I need to say is clear. It starts out with loving sentiments, anger, over-explaining, then need:
“I think you’re amazing and I see your hurt. I am grateful for having you in my life for all the love and lessons learned.”
“You are abusive and manipulative and I allow it. You take your trauma and anger out on me and get defensive and blame me when called out. You don’t care about my feelings. You are a true narcissist.”
“I need you to leave. You wouldn’t know what secure love is because it just slapped you in the face and until you heal your trauma, you’ll continue to run and find instant gratification. It is not your fault. But it is your choice to change. I need myself back.”
“I need you to leave. I need myself back.
“Leave. I need myself back.”
“I need myself back.”
“I need myself back.”
“I need myself back.”
“I need myself back.”
“I need myself back.”
“I need myself back.”
“I am taking myself back.”
“I am taking myself back.”
“I am taking myself back.”
I’ll repeat it until I am strong enough to do it.
“I am back.”
