I think I met a good one. Or thought so. Not sure yet.
Been texting and chatting for few weeks. It’s been comfortable and open. He’s been attentive and “showing up.” He calls instead of texts knowing it’s more personal. He’s listening to my comfort zone and complimenting me.
Then last night he said he didn’t feel well when he was supposed to come over and would text in morning. It’s 3:00 pm and I just heard from him. Now, not that it’s that long, I’m not unrealistic, but at one point we were going to hang out today, but ended up hanging out a little yesterday- so I guess I’m a little confused. Are we just flying by the seat of our pants? I believe so, and that’s fine, but one supposedly tiny little “miscommunication” and I’m on alert.
I have not been dating lately. I’ve been too busy with work. Not that work will ever usurp love, but I just can’t deal right now. With all these guys’ insecurities, alcoholism, unexpressed and undealt with fears, baggage, whatever. We ALL have it. But we women deal with it. Even more of a disparity at my age now in my 40s. I just don’t have the time for games or bullshit. I’m a successful, confident, and busy woman who values her time. And lately, my time has been spent by myself or with my nurturing girlfriends. I just don’t have it in me to date.
At least not right now.
I’ve always been a hopeful romantic believing in connections and attraction, sincerity, and genuine intentions. I want to believe I still am. But lately, I’m numb. I just can’t even get excited anymore because I’m perpetually lifted up, thinking we connect, they build me up and promises to see again, then nada. I used to want one of them to prove me right.
But now I think I just want one of them to prove me wrong. I don’t know what I believe in anymore. And it’s not they who have changed.
It is I.
