I am not a revengeful person or a last-word person. At all. But there’s an unfinished piece of me that has always wanted to show my ex-boyfriend how well I’m doing now. That’s normal, right? Don’t we all want that?
I’m not sure I ever really loved him. He symbolized security at the time which I now realize, and appreciate that looking back. Times were really tough for me freshly divorced and almost completely broke. So, here’s what I want to say to him.
You never fully supported me or believed in me. You are a narcissist and the kind that is riddled with insecurities and puts others down to make yourself feel better. But you don’t share any vulnerabilities and make sure the rest of us feel inadequate. You make fun of everybody. It’s unbecoming.
I told you once that we all go through hard times, whether some of us have or will, it’s a certainty because it’s life. According to him, I never cleaned enough (might be true), cooked enough, contributed enough. I was never enough. When I was going through my hard times, relatively speaking, I told him it was my character that was important and that this was situational. My family is on the east coast, I have just started my own business, I took nothing from my ex-husband and started from scratch with money, friends, and networking. Yet, I remained positive, healthy, optimistic, active, and my head down. But when I needed to work most, I was paranoid about him returning home from work that there was too much dog hair or that I didn’t make enough money that day or progress on “something”. Whatever it was for which wasn’t living up to his standards. Apparently, my character didn’t matter. I, however, am extremely proud.
When we broke up was the first time he was vulnerable. He literally said “you don’t deserve this. I’m emotionally unavailable and I should have come with a warning label.”. Gee, no kidding.
Well, this is what I want to say now.
Look at me. I’m strong. I made more money with my growing business in 3 months than you did in a year. I’ve created a formal partnership with my team and building a successful business. We’re hiring people. I am free. I love my place. I love my solitude. I don’t feel guilty for not cleaning on YOUR schedule or taking a nap in the middle of the day because I work hard. And I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. I have the most beautiful, soulful man in my life that makes unselfish love to me. Communicates with me. And my friends love me. I have a partner now with my best friend who lifts me up, talks through life with me, and challenges me to be better every day. And she tells me I’m beautiful. And I believe her. And we’re honest with each other. So, I actually do get it. Life is short. Figure your shit out.
Hard times are imminent. I hope when his hit, because they will, that he stands as proudly as I with the same grace and confidence.
