That’s what he told me. Even though he put me there.
He didn’t touch me for 5 months. Prior to that we were hot ‘n heavy multiple times a day. I never rejected physical attention from him. There was no weening off or transition. His daughter came and he wouldn’t touch me or be affectionate in front of her, so I justified it as just that. I could only assume there was somebody else too, although I didn’t dwell upon or necessarily accept that. I was too tired.
It was a way to further put me down and devalue me. Likely further justifying his own actions of infidelity because he wasn’t “getting it” from me. Blaming me for the reason. All the while I fully paid for and kept a roof over his head and took care of his daughter in town for the summer. She was glued to me. She sees him, therefore he also rejects and punishes her. I saw him clearly too then, and I got scared. Finally.
Emotional abuse is insidious. He might as well have punched me not only in the face, but made my entire body bloody, bruised, and scraped up. Because only then would I actually LOOK ugly to justify to myself why I would be so unattractive and untouchable. Where others could also see the same in me. So I believed it too. I wanted everything to be “attractive” to him again so I could have a taste of the “good” things that kept me in it. Constantly vying for his love. Justifying why I was still there.
I was too low to fight. So I stayed. Until his daughter left.
The next week I asked him to move out with all my might and tears. And I still let him stay in the house for another 2 months.
I began my journey of regaining my strength.
